Karaoke Night
by Do the fandango
Summary: What would happen if there were a karaoke contest between students from 2002...as well as those in 1982. Read to find out and make sure to leave reviews! This is my first fic, but I don't care if you're mean or not! Also, I screwed up the story's chapters
1. Default Chapter

Karaoke Night!  
  
Chapter one: 1982  
  
Albus Dumbledore smiled around at the room of Seventh years.  
"Good evening to you all!" Dumbledore exclaimed, beaming in particular at James and Sirius, his personal favorite students.  
"I would like to tell you about something quite interesting that may or may not happen within the next 10 minutes." The students all looked at him with the usual look of confusion that accompanied almost anything said by Dumbledore.  
"Let me clarify," Dumbledore said to the expressions on their faces. "My future self from the year 2002 has come to inform me that they want to visit tonight and have a karaoke contest." The students started to get the general idea, and there was the sound of all the seventh year students discussing what songs they wanted to do.  
"However," Dumbledore began, his voice raising to quiet the room "I have already selected who will and will not participate. Actually, to be exact, my future self chose who would participate. It seems that some of you have children going to Hogwarts 20 years in the future. Or else some of you are just well-known in the year 2002 for something else." He stared pointedly at Sirius.  
"Oh, so I'm like I convict or something in the year 2002?" Sirius asked jokingly causing the room to burst out in fits of laughter.  
"Yes, actually you are." Dumbledore said simply.  
"Oh." Said Sirius, embarassed.  
"Okay, so here we go.the students who can participate are as follows.Mr. Potter, Ms. Evans, Mr. Snape, Mr. Black, Mr. Pettigrew, Mr. Longbottom, Ms. Gaines."  
  
[A.N. I couldn't exactly remember or else I've never heard Neville's mum's maiden name, so Gaines it is.]  
  
"Mr. Malfoy, Mr. Crabbe, Mr. Goyle, Mr. Lupin, and Ms. Patil. The rest of you are released to your dormitories. The competitors from the future will arrive shortly."  
  
Chapter two: The contest begins!  
  
"Hello, this is Albus Dumbledore from 2002 and I will be the judge. Posted is a list of those who will be participating and the order in which they will be participating. Thank you and enjoy the show. There will be points given out of 50, so make sure to be good. Points will be deducted for sheer lack of talent, trying won't get you points. Good luck."  
  
[A.N. The purpose of the list is so you know who's coming up in later chapters. If you have any suggestions for students from 2002, or 2002 versions of people who may be from 1982, or just teachers I didn't mention, please post them as reviews. Now on to the contest!]  
  
Chapter three: The list!  
  
1.) Nora Patil---1982 2.) Neville Longbottom---2002 3.) Vincent Crabbe---1982 4.) Draco Malfoy---2002 5.) Peter Pettigrew---1982 6.) Ron Weasley---2002 7.) Severus Snape---1982 8.) Hermione Granger---2002 9.) Sirius Black---1982 10.) Luna Lovegood---2002 11.) Lucius Malfoy---1982 12.) Crabbe and Goyle---2002 13.) Alice Gaines---1982 14.) Parvati Patil and Lavendar Brown---2002 15.) Remus Lupin---1982 16.) Minerva McGonagall---2002 17.) Frank Longbottom---1982 18.) Lord Voldemort---2002 19.) Gregory Goyle---1982 20.) Harry Potter---2002 21.) Lily Evans---1982 22.) Gilderoy Lockhart---2002 23.) James Potter---1982 24.) Severus Snape---2002  
  
Chapter four: Nora Patil  
  
[A.N. The rest of this is written like a script just because that makes it easier!]  
  
Dumbledore: And now.going first, from the year 1982, future mother of our very own Parvati and Padma Patil, Nnnnnoooooorrrrra PPPPPaaaaatttttiiiiiil!!  
  
Nora: Song number 32.  
  
Fred Weasley: 32 it is.  
  
[music starts, room goes black. Very suddenly, disco lights come on]  
  
Nora: First I was afraid.I was petrified. Kept thinkin' I could never live without you by my side. But I spent oh-so-many nights thinkin' how you did me wrong. I grew strong. I learned how to get along! [Runs over to Lucius] And now you're back, from outer space Come walkin' in here with that sad look upon your face. [Slaps Lucius] I should have changed that stupid lock I should have made you leave your key If I'd have known for just one second You'd be back to bother me. [Slaps Lucius again.] Oh no now GO! Walk out the do' Don't come around now cause you're not welcome anymore. Aren't you the one who tried to hurt me with your lies? Did you think I'd crumble? Did you think I'd lay down and die? Oh no not I! [Slaps Lucius rather hard with a feather boa] I will survive! Oh, as long as I know how to love I know I'll stay alive. 'Cos I've got all my life to live, I've got all my love to give. I will survive. Hey hey! [Music ends]  
  
Dumbledore: Well, wasn't that enlightening? [Magics her score onto a large wall]  
  
Accuracy: 8/10 (You knew the lyrics quite well) Vocals: 6/10 (You don't have anything on Patti Labelle) Performance: 9/10 (Very effective lighting choices) Audience Participaton: 7/10 (I would give you a 10, though it seemed 1982 Lucius Malfoy wasn't horribly keen on participating.) Song Selection: 7/10 (The 1970's was so over, even in 1982)  
  
Dumbledore: And Miss Nora Patil's final score is.37/50! But.will it be enough to win?  
  
Chapter five: Neville Longbottom  
  
Dumbledore: Now, from the year 2002, Mr. Neeeeevvvviiiilllle.Loooonnnnngggbooootttom!  
  
Harry (from front row): I wish you would stop doing that Professor Dumbledore. It makes my scar tinge a bit.  
  
Dumbledore: Quit your whining Mr. Potter. Now come on Neville!  
  
Neville: Song 26.  
  
George: D'you get that, Fred?  
  
Fred: Yep.  
  
[Music starts, Neville is center stage. He has somehow managed to squeeze into a wife beater, and is wearing some rather baggy rapper pants.]  
  
Neville: May I have your attention please.  
  
Audience: NO!  
  
Neville: May I have your attention please. Will the real slimshady please stand up? I repeat.will the real slimshady please stand up? [Malfoy stands, smirking] We're gonna have a problem here. [Malfoy sits back down, scowling] Ya'll act you never seen a white person before Jaws all on the floor like Pam and Tommy Just burst in the door and started whoopin' her ass Worse than before they first were divorced Throwing her over furniture. It's the return of the.  
  
Parvati (To Lavendar): Oh wait, no wait.you're kidding. He didn't just say what I think he did.did he?  
  
Neville: And Dr. Dre says.nothing you idiots! Dr. Dre's dead, he's locked in my basement! Feminist women love Eminem.  
  
Hermione (To Ron): Chica, chica, chica Slimshady, I'm sick of him, look at him walking around Grabbing his you-know-what Lippin' to you-know-who.  
  
[At this point, various students scream as they finally make the connection between the words 'you-know-who' and the dall, pale, spectral man standing in the back corner of the room]  
  
Ron: Yeah, but he's so cute though.  
  
Neville: Yeah, I probably got a couple of screws up in my head loose But no worse than what's going on in your parent's bedrooms. Sometimes I wanna get on tv and just let loose, but I can't But it's cool for Tom Green to hump a dead moose.  
  
[Students screaming 'ewww, sick' fills the room so that the next few lines are indiscernable] [A.N. That and I don't know what he says]  
  
And if I'm lucky you might just give it a little kiss And that's the message that we deliver to little kids And expect them not to know what a woman's clitoris is. Of course they're gonna know what intercourse is. By the time they get to fourth grade they got the Discovery Channel, don't they?  
  
Harry (shrugging): We ain't nothing but mammals.  
  
Neville: Well, some of us cannibals cutting other people open like canteloupe. But if we can hump dead animals and antelope. And there's no reason that a man and another man can't elope. Well, if you feel the way I feel I got the antidote Women wear your pantyhose, sing the chorus and it goes:  
  
All the students and teachers from 2002: I'm slimshady yes I'm the real shady All you other slimshadys are just imitating, so won't the real slimshady Please stand up.please stand up.please stand up.  
  
Neville: Thank you all, you've been a lovely audience!  
  
Dumbledore: Let's hear it for Neville Longbottom for putting the English on the hip-hop map for the first time ever!  
  
[Magics the score onto the wall]  
  
Accuracy: 9/10 (There was one part indiscernible.your what is on my lips?) Vocals: 8/10 (Well, you technically weren't singing but you rapped well.) Performance: 9/10 (You are the real Slimshady.) Audience Participaton: 10/10 (The audience participation was spectacular) Song Selection: 8/10 (Under normal circumstaces, this song wouldn't suit you at all.)  
  
Dumbledore: And, Neville's final score is.44/50!  
  
Chapter Six: Vincent Crabbe  
  
Dumbledore: It's going to be tough to follow that performance. Our next contestant, from the year 1982, {He glares at Harry} Vincent Crabbe!  
  
Crabbe: Hey, why didn't you say my name like you said the other names?  
  
Dumbledore: It makes Harry's scar twinge.  
  
Crabbe: Why does he have that great ugly scar on his head anyway?  
  
Dumbledore: He got it when Voldemort killed his parents.  
  
Crabbe: What's Harry's last name?  
  
Dumbledore: Potter.  
  
James: Dammit! He's my son isn't he?  
  
Dumbledore: Yes, as a matter of fact he is.  
  
Sirius: Oh, great. In this future, James is dead and I'm an escaped convict?  
  
Dumbledore: Actually, now you're kind of dead too.  
  
Sirius: Well . I never.  
  
Crabbe: Can I just perform?  
  
Dumbledore: Right. Here's Vincent Crabbe!  
  
Crabbe: Song 831.  
  
Fred: Right then.  
  
[Music starts, lights go out. Minutes later, Crabbe pops out of the darkness in a sudden burst of light. He is dressed in pants with no shirt and suspenders. Thank Merlin this Crabbe is thin unlike the current Crabbe enrolled at Hogwarts]  
  
Crabbe: Is this the real life? Is this just fantasy? Caught in a landslide, no escape from reality. Open your eyes, look up to the sky and see. I'm just a poor boy, I need no sympathy.  
  
1982 and 2002 students: Because I'm easy come, easy go. Little high, little low.  
  
Crabbe: Anyway the wind blows, doesn't really matter to me. To me.  
  
Mama, just killed a man. Put a gun against his head. Pulled my trigger, now he's dead. Mama, life had just begun, But now I've gone and thrown it all away. Mama, ooh didn't mean to make you cry. If I'm not back again this time tomorrow, Carry on, carry on as if nothing really matters.  
  
Too late, my time has come. Sends shivers down my spine, Body's achin' all the time. Goodbye everybody, I've got to go. Gotta leave you all behind and face the truth. Mama, ooh I don't wanna die. Sometimes wish I'd never been born at all.  
  
[1982 Dumbledore jumps out onto stage and plays the guitar solo.]  
  
Crabbe: I see a little sillhouetto of a man Scaramouch, scaramouch, will you do the fandango? Thunderbolt and Lightning, very very frightening me. Galileo  
  
All: Galileo  
  
Crabbe: Galileo, Galileo  
  
All: Galileo Figaro. Magnifico oh oh oh oh  
  
Crabbe: I'm just a poor boy, nobody loves me  
  
All: He's just a poor boy from a poor family Spare him his life from this monstrosity  
  
Crabbe: Easy come, easy go Will you let me go?  
  
James and Sirius: Bismillah, No we will not let you go  
  
All: Let him go  
  
James and Sirius: Bismillah, we will not let you go  
  
All: Let him go  
  
James and Sirius: Bismillah, we will not let you go  
  
Crabbe: Let me go  
  
James and Sirius: Will not let you go  
  
Crabbe: Let me go (Never never never never never let me go oh oh oh oh)  
  
James and Sirius: No no no no no no no  
  
Crabbe: Oh mama mia, mama mia, mama mia let me go  
  
All: Beezlebub has a devil put aside for me, for me  
  
Crabbe: For meeeeeeeeee!  
  
[Dumbledore plays guitar again]  
  
Crabbe: So you think you can stone me and spit in my eye? So you think you can love me and leave me to die? Oh baby, Can't do this to me baby Just gotta get out, just gotta get out Just gotta get right out of here  
  
Nothing really matters, anyone can see Nothing really matters to me  
  
All: Any way the wind blows  
  
[End song]  
  
Dumbledore: Wow, an excellent performance Mr. Crabbe! We had no idea you could sing just like Freddie! Here's your score.  
  
[Magics score onto wall]  
  
Accuracy: 9/10 (Eerily good accuracy) Vocals: 10/10 (Excellent voice) Performance: 7/10 (My 1982 self stole the show performance wise) Audience Participaton: 10/10 (Astounding audience participation) Song Selection: 6/10 (It has no relevency to anything here really. It doesn't make a whole lot of sense in the first place)  
  
Dumbledore: And Mr. Crabbe's final score is.42/50.  
  
Chapter Seven: Draco Malfoy  
  
Dumbledore: From the year 2002, here is our very own Draco Malfoy!  
  
Malfoy: Thank you, oh you are TOO kind. Song 37.  
  
Fred: Alright you great ugly git. Oops, did I say that aloud.  
  
[Music starts, lights go out. Malfoy steps out and fog machines come out with green light.]  
  
Malfoy: I am a little bit of lonliness A little bit of disregard Handful of compaints but I can't Help the fact that everyone can see these scars I am what I want you to want What I want you to feel But it's like no matter what I do I can't convince you to just believe this is real So I let go watching you You turn your back like you always do Face away and pretend that I'm not But I'll be here 'cause you're all that I've got  
  
I can't feel the way I did before Don't turn your back on me I won't be ignored Time won't heal this damage anymore Don't turn your back on me I won't be ignored  
  
I am a little bit insecure A little unconfident 'Cause you don't understand I do what I can And sometimes I don't make sense I am what you never want to say But I've never had a doubt It's like no matter what I do I can't convince you For once just to hear me out So I let go, watching you You turn your back like you always do Face away and pretend that I'm not But I'll be here 'cause you're all that I've got  
  
[Audience stands up and hold up lighters]  
  
I can't feel the way I did before Don't turn your back on me I won't be ignored Time won't heal this damage anymore Don't turn your bacj on me I won't be ignored  
  
Thank you all. You are too kind.  
  
Dumbledore: Ermm. Yes. Well, here are the scores.  
  
Accuracy: 10/10 (Can't say it wasn't accurate) Vocals: 8/10 (Half of it was rapping) Performance: 10/10 (No one expected the fog machines Audience Participaton: 8/10 (I have to admit, the lighters showed a lot of enthusiasm. Especially as everyone present knows they aren't allowed in the castle) Song Selection: 8/10 (Not a bad choice)  
  
Dumbledore: And the final score is.44/50! We have a tie for first place!  
  
Chapter Eight: Peter Pettigrew 


	2. II

1.) Nora Patil---1982 2.) Neville Longbottom---2002 3.) Vincent Crabbe---1982 4.) Draco Malfoy---2002 5.) Peter Pettigrew---1982 6.) Ron Weasley---2002 7.) Severus Snape---1982 8.) Hermione Granger---2002 9.) Sirius Black---1982 10.) Luna Lovegood---2002 11.) Lucius Malfoy---1982 12.) Crabbe and Goyle---2002 13.) Alice Gaines---1982 14.) Parvati Patil and Lavendar Brown---2002 15.) Remus Lupin---1982 16.) Minerva McGonagall---2002 17.) Frank Longbottom---1982 18.) Lord Voldemort---2002 19.) Gregory Goyle---1982 20.) Harry Potter---2002 21.) Lily Evans---1982 22.) Gilderoy Lockhart---2002 23.) James Potter---1982 24.) Severus Snape---2002  
  
Chapter Eight: Peter Pettigrew  
  
[A.N. The years aren't meant to be accurate really. I just chose some random date fairly far away from the present. I wanted the present so hopefully you all would know the songs, lol. I am aware of the dates, yet this is not meant in a serious nature, and paying attention to detail is not something to be bothered with. It's just something to do as a break from more serious writings. Also, this chapter by request features Cher. Thanks for the reviews!]  
  
Dumbledore: Oh, an excellent showing Mr. Malfoy. Let's see if our next act can live up to that! From the year 1982, Peter Pettigrew!  
  
Peter: I want to give a shout to my homies.James, Sirius, Re-Re.  
  
George: WHAT SONG DO YOU WANT?  
  
Peter: Oh, selection 34. This is for you James!  
  
Peter: Does he love me, I wanna know How can I tell if he loves me so?  
  
Dumbledore:[Is it in his eyes?]  
  
Peter: Oh, no, you'll be decieved  
  
Dumbledore:[Is it in his sighs?]  
  
Peter: Oh, no he'll make believe If you wanna know  
  
All: [Shoop, shoop, shoop, shoop]  
  
Peter: If he loves you so  
  
All: [Shoop, shoop, shoop, shoop] Peter: It's in his kiss (jumps up on James' lap. James is too shocked and horrified to do anything.) Dumbledore: [That's where it is, oh yeah] [Or is it in his face?]  
  
Peter: OH no, it's just his charms  
  
Dumbledore: [In his warm embrace?]  
  
Peter: OH no, that's just his arms If you wanna know  
  
All: [Shoop, shoop, shoop, shoop]  
  
Peter: If he loves you so  
  
All: [Shoop, shoop, shoop, shoop]  
  
Peter: It's in his kiss (starts doing vulgar things on James' lap to which James finally is out of his state of shock and punches Peter sending him flying.)  
  
Dumbledore:[That's where it is]  
  
(At this point, Peter is laying on the floor unconscious.)  
  
Dumbledore: Hmm.it seems our contestant is.er.out cold. He gets half marks for trying though, just because everyone has to feel sorry for him even though he grows up to be Voldie's er.'right hand man'. 


	3. III

Chapter Nine: Ron Weasley  
  
Dumbledore: To be quite frank, that SUCKED. Well now. We need someone to PLEASE save us. Anyone.anyone. Ah yes, next up, from the year 2002, Rrrrrooooonnnn Wwwweeeaaasleeeey!  
  
Harry: DAMN YOU DUMBLEDORE!  
  
Dumbledore: Ah yes. Your scar. I am over eighty now, I do tend to forget things.  
  
Ron: Bloody hell, what am I going to do?  
  
Dumbledore [aside]: Actually, bloody hell is almost Ron's catch phrase as nearly anyone who has read the books can attest. He says 'bloody hell' at least 500 times a book. The saying was familiarized to readers in.  
  
Ron: I'm right here, I can here every word you're saying.  
  
Dumbledore: Right. Well, Ron, here you go. Sing or something.  
  
Ron: Umm.Ummm.Ummmmmm.well.how about.umm.Selection  
  
George: Spit it out Ron, we don't have all day!  
  
Ron [meekly]: Err.27?  
  
Fred: Right y'are little brother.  
  
(music starts, lights go out then come back on where we see Ron clad in jeans and a System of a Down shirt. Suddenly, at the recognition for the opening chords for 'Chop Suey!' by System of a Down, the Slytherins and Gryffindors start a mosh pit.)  
  
Ron: WAKE UP!  
  
GRAB A BRUSH AND PUT A LITTLE MAKEUP!  
  
HIDE THE SCARS TO FADE AWAY THE SHAKEUP!  
  
WHY'D YOU LEAVE THE KEYS UP ON THE TABLE?  
  
HERE YOU GO, CREATE ANOTHER FABLE.  
  
YOU WANTED TO  
  
GRAB A BRUSH AND PUT A LITTLE MAKEUP!  
  
YOU WANTED TO  
  
HIDE THE SCARS TO FADE AWAY THE SHAKEUP!  
  
YOU WANTED TO  
  
WHY'D YOU LEAVE THE KEYS UP ON THE TABLE?  
  
YOU WANTED TO  
  
I don't think you trust.  
  
(Harry comes out with an Ibanez Iceman electric guitar and starts singing with him. Malfoy is crowd surfing at this point)  
  
Harry and Ron: In.my.self righteous suicide.  
  
(At this moment, moaning Myrtle has to leave the room because she is apparently offended by the song. No one pays any attention as is generally the case.)  
  
Harry and Ron: I.cry.when angels deserve to DIE!  
  
[A.N. Do not take this line of the song literally. It is not about angels deserving to die in a manner derogatory towards religion. It is simply about innocents killing themselves and the effect it has on other people. It's not a mean song.]  
  
(At the word 'DIE!' The crowd drops Malfoy and Voldemort begins jumping up and down and salivating. It's a very frightening sight.)  
  
Ron: Err..I'm done.  
  
Dumbledore: How anticlimactic. However, I will give you your score.  
  
Accuracy: 7/10 (You actually stopped in the middle of the song despite the second verse being the exact same thing as the first.)  
  
Vocals: 10/10 (You started a mosh pit for God's sake! A British guy starting a mosh pit is always something to be proud of.)  
  
Performance: 8/10 (A little weak on the outro)  
  
Audience Participation: 10/10 (Two words: Mosh pit.)  
  
Song selection: 9/10 (It would be 10/10, but somehow it just doesn't seem right.)  
  
Dumbledore: An excellent performance Mr. Weasley! You have a final score of 44/50. Yay you!  
  
Ron: Umm.right. 


	4. IV

Chapter Ten: Severus Snape  
  
Dumbledore: Now, from the year 1982, Severus Snaaaaaaaapppppe!!!  
  
Harry (Jumping to his feet and pointing wand at Dumbledore): Expecto Patronum! (The stag emerges from his wand and chases Dumbledore around the room.)  
  
Dumbledore: AAAAAHHHH! Okay, okay! I get the point!  
  
(Harry calls the stag back to him)  
  
Dumbledore: Come on Severus. (glares at Harry)  
  
Severus: Song 349.  
  
George: (snickers) Ironic choice. The play it's from is uncanny.  
  
Severus: (sneer) Bugger off. Start the music.  
  
(music starts, a blonde wig affixes itself to Snape's greasy hair.)  
  
Severus: Look at me, I'm Sandra D.  
  
Lousy with virginity  
  
Won't go to bed 'til I'm legally wed,  
  
I can't, I'm Sandra D.!  
  
(1982 Lucius Malfoy pinches Snape's butt.)  
  
Watch it! Hey, I'm Doris Day!  
  
I was not brought up that way.  
  
Won't come across, even Rock Hudson lost  
  
His heart to Doris Day.  
  
I don't drink.  
  
Dumbledore: NO!  
  
Severus: Or swear.  
  
Dumbledore: (In a tone that suggests that Snape is full of it) Oh?  
  
Severus: I don't rat my hair.  
  
(audience snickers)  
  
I get ill from one cigarette.  
  
(Harry chokes on a fig newton at the precise moment necessary for the 'cough, cough, cough' portion of the song.)  
  
Keep your filthy paws off my silky draws!  
  
Did you pull that crap with Annette?  
  
(James and Sirius exchange grins)  
  
As for you Troy Donahue.I know what you wanna do  
  
You've got your crust, I'm no object of lust  
  
I'm just plain Sandra Dee!  
  
Elvis! Elvis! Let me be!  
  
Keep that pelvis far from me  
  
(Gyrates his hips vulgarly with that line of the song much to the disgust of anyone within 25 or 30 feet of him.)  
  
Just keep your cool, now you're starting to drool.  
  
Hey, pongo.I'm Sandra D.!  
  
Dumbledore: I'm sure that we will all.lay awake for many hours after that performance. Well. Here's the score.  
  
Accuracy: 10/10 (It was so accurate that I'm scared.) Vocals: 8/10 (No comment) Audience Participation: 8/10 (Well, they participated.) Performance: 7/10 (I will pay for your therapy sessions.) Song Selection: 5/10 (You need help.)  
  
Dumbledore: A final score of 38/50. Let's here it for Severus Snape! 


End file.
